It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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