Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
