My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize