There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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