I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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