shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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