Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
