no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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