How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
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is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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