OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
