The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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