I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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