my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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