I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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