it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
