I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
