im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
