i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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