But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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