i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
