ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
