i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
