youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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