I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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