do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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