I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize