I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
