I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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