how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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