I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
