My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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