You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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