I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
