If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
