apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
