she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
