we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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