can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
