Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I looked at my own cervix.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize