I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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