in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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