i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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