And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
