I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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