so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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