You just made me feel so damn special
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
