i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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