And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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