You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
