hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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