I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
