"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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