she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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