he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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