Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
