Midget sex pt 2 tonight
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
