He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
