I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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