My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
