Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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