Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
