Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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